Thats the understatement of the last 2 years of my life. I’m not certain where to begin — the mistakes of my life… health problems…God’s healing…maybe its best to tell my story of God’s faithfulness in small bits:
I married my husband 6 1/2 years ago. He is several years older than I am and was just divorced. He also has 3 grown children from his previous marriage. I desperately wanted children and he agreed to it. Since he is older than me and I’ve had health problems, we went through several infertility treatments and IVF. Last year we became pregnant, only to end in miscarriage after about 12 weeks. After about a year of grieving we decided to try IVF one more time. Four days after our doctor consultation I suffered from a stroke. That was about 7 months ago. I know its hard to believe God would plan a miscarriage, but I believe he has a greater plan for my life. He will bring glory from the ashes. Had I had a child, he/she would be a year old this month. There is absolutely no way my husband or I could have cared for a toddler these past months. God has only put on my plate what I can handle. Although it sounds odd, I have been thankful for not having children. As desperately as I wanted them THEN, God has his timing that I am still learning to trust in it.
While I was grieving last year, my husband challenged me to find some scripture I felt was from God. I’ve done the old flip through the Bible with your eyes closed thing and put your finger on a passage. I felt like this was different. For some reason I was lead to Psalm 112. As I read it, I had NO connection with it at all. As I sat there and wondered what it meant, I decided to read the next Psalm–113. PRAISE THE LORD…PRAISE HIM SERVANTS OF THE LORD…PRAISE THE NAME OF THE LORD…PRAISE HIM FROM WHERE THE SUN RISES TO WHERE IT SETS…Ok…I get it-Praise the Lord–so what??? I kept reading…WHO IS LIKE THE LORD?…HE LIFTS THE POOR FROM THE ASHES…AND SETTLES THE BARREN WOMAN IN HER HOME AS A HAPPY MOTHER OF CHILDREN.
Whoa. I hear ya God. His timing – not mine. His plan – not mine. He will be faithful…